It’s been quite some time since I’ve written any personal post. With back to school and my trip to St. Jude it’s been mayhem in the house. In a way, I am so grateful and excited of all the work coming my way, but never in a million years did I think it would jumble all up and I would be so burnt out. It didn’t even hit me until last Friday and Saturday.
Last Friday I took my son for a trial robotics class. I was there early with all my children and the owner came over to chat. We chatted for some time and she straight up told me I looked tired! I mean, yes I was tired, but was it that apparent? Was it that obvious? I guess for her it was because she proceeded to mention it 3 more times. Not that I expected a compliment by any means BUT, really? We just met. I have 3 kids 5 and under of course I’M TIRED! The next day I had a work event and I was greeted by another you look tired comment. I mean, in all seriousness this is really the first time this happens like this. I try really hard to “hide” my tiredness with makeup and coffee. I’ve accepted the fact that until my kids are out of this house I will be tired permanently. So, for people to say it out loud made it real to me.
See, I try not to complain on my social media or to my friends. Although complaining is totally normal, I feel it drags me into a negative place I rather not be dragged to. So, I’ve been going through the motions of just doing what I can and moving along, but this week has been brutal. I feel like I just can’t keep up. Working on the house and trying to keep it looking decent, taking care of the kids- shower, feeding, dressing. Laundry. And work! So many people think these post just come easy. But they don’t. It’s finding the right balance of story telling, trying to get your kids to cooperate to take awesome pictures, edit them, put links, make sure you have good SEO and publish on social media channels, takes time. And I love it, but IT IS WORK!
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I don’t like to say it but I am beyond tired. My body is saying: you need a vacation and my brain is in total agreement. See, we moms think we can do it all. Not to say we can’t, but I CAN’T. I want to enjoy as much time I can with my children and I feel being this tired takes away from that. So I am in a weird place: trying to keep going but knowing when I need to stop. Hopefully after next week and my catch up weekend I can feel better about October and what’s next. Making decisions in a tired state is not the safest thing. There’s so much I want to do. I want to continue making my kids videos, paint the house, be more involved in my son’s school and have some alone time with my husband, who’s been the most supportive and awesome partner all this years, but especially the last couple of months taking over “mom” duties so I can attend events and work on the blog.
In a way I know it sounds like a contradiction. I don’t want to be negative but I admit I can’t do it all. The way I see it is as a realization. This is my reality. My reality is that I need to pick my battles because I have limited ammunition. Everything I do must count. It must mean something in my life.
Do you think we can really do it all?
